For my readers, and the people who saved me

  • December 31, 2015

I am a nobody in this blogging community, not when I've been abandoning my blog for the past 20 months but I'm going to write this straight up for the people who have been reading my blog ever since I was sixteen. Four years ago, I started writing about how depressed I am in high school and how life never seems to be fair to me; not in my studies. my relationship with my family, and not even my love life. Everything seems to fall apart ever since my bestfriends, the ones whom hate me when they first knew me and then later in life decided to take an oath to be my loyal companions, decided to move out from the school we shared tons of memories with. We promised each other to be okay and to always remind ourselves that we will be there for each other, but I was too weak to live without their presence.

Nothing seems to be right at that moment; believe me, I would cry every single night and not knowing what am I even crying about. It was a rough time for me. I don't think I have to explain to you how rough those moments were because I know you've been with me through it all, I may not know each and everyone of you, but everytime I posted about my depression in my blog, someone, would somehow came out to me and told me that they're feeling the same, and that I do not have to be scared in fighting my feelings all by myself. Eventually, my only escape is right here, in this little white box that I'm typing out my thoughts right now- my blog. My journey and fights in high school never gets any easier but knowing that some of you gained courage and strengths from the words of this broken soul, it somehow gave me a purpose to try and keep holding on to whatever believes and faith that's left in me. So thank you- for being there with me. I wish I could hug all of you who told me that my words inspired you, gave you a reason to hold on to something, help you through your tough phase, and most importantly- comforts your impaired souls. I am a no one, and it is beyond my imagination to get endless of lovely feedbacks from all of you- but I hope you found something through my words, and I hope you had found your way back to happiness. Thank you for being more than just my readers, thank you for being my saviours.

To Siela, you've been the loveliest deskmate a girl can ever pray for. Thank you for your endless advices and motivations that you gave me through out our senior year. You never fail to make me feel accepted for who I am- you would listen to my thoughts every single day without getting bored at it, hugged me when you know that I just spent the last 15 minutes of the lecture crying at the girl's bathroom, and simply join me at my weirdest self. We may not talk a lot now but you hold a special place in my heart that I am forever thankful about.

To Yanie, Wawa, Aniq, and Ejol, our 8 (and 13) years of friendship is the reason why I still believe in the existence of beautiful souls. All of you are different from one another but together, you guys are the greatest treasure I've ever called mine. 

To Syr, we are a complete different person and it never crosses my mind to be close to you but we did. You've seen a side of me that nobody else knew it exist and you've never judge me for the poor and reckless choices I've made. I stand by your words that nothing in this life is certain, and that there's no right or wrong in anything and everything- it's just the matter of how we chose to believe it. Thank you for being there for me through almost everything. Everybody label us as clingy- but I guess they have never met someone who would always be there for them at any hour of the day.

To the love of my life (you know who you are), I don't even know where to begin with when it comes to you. You've been my heaven on Earth for quite some time now and I'd like it to stay that way for as long as we can imagine. Thank you for never (not even once) giving up on me despite having to bear with well, me. I'm not the best person out there and there are so many things that I wish I didn't do to you. While most couples wish to meet their significant others a lot sooner, I wish I could meet you later in life so that I'll be someone better by then. We don't have it easy like everyone think we do but we tried our best for each other, don't we? There's simply noting perfect about us but the the fact that you and I are still committed to this, even after years, after constant arguments and misunderstanding, is already perfect enough for me.

I don't know how to start over in blogging but I know that I have some plans waiting in line for this blog. I hope I won't be afraid to start again. Thank you for being there along this journey with me.

Nazihah herself