phs by meThere's a lot of reason why I became the person that I don't want to be. I'm afraid of being myself. And look what it brought me into. I ditch my old friends for a cooler one. And in the end, I didn't become one of the coolest person, I don't even belong to my old self anymore. Isn't it sad being the person who's stuck in her own identity? Nobody ask me to change. Maybe they told me to move on, but they never mention about becoming the person I don't wanna be. I know there's a lot of little reason why the big things in our life happened but I didn't know that I've been living on a thin layer of fantasy. I just need to get my head back on the ground.
You see, back then in 2011, I've been trying so hard to blend myself with the rest of my new classmates. And by the end of the year, I've learned to accept everybody gradually according to their own weird and quirky personality. I love the way they accept criticism, I love the way they react to hatred, I love how we got ourselves into all kind of troubles in school and still found a way to laugh about it in the end. That's the best part of being in that class. And suddenly I realized how I love those people who used to be so annoying to me. I mean, since I've been transferred to a different class this year, everything was, very peculiar to me.
Things is different in this new class. Everything that I remember being in this class, that feeling I used to get, it's not there anymore. I've work my ass off not to move out to different school because I want to finish what my cliques and I started in form 1. I told myself that 2011 wouldn't be so bad because at that moment, I believe that my future seems 10 times better than any of my present. But it seems like I hope too much. I put my expectations way too high. And yeah, expectations kills. Maybe I'm too psyched with the the past that I came to forgot the fact that reality still exist. That those people change. That time heals their pain. That they moved on. That somehow it's not anybody's fault if I'm feeling like an outsider. I don't know how to describe what I feel anymore. Life has been really tough on me these days. And trust me, I'm not that strong. There's some point in life where I choose to give up without even trying.
"I know at times you feel alone and death is the only way out, and that no one understands. But trust me, there are people out there that understand. Depression is a real medical illness. It's not a sign of weakness." -asherrsmoore