The feeling of having regrets.
The feeling of hating yourself.
The feeling of knowing that you're not good enough.
Frankly, I'm not ready to face all this. And yet, I don't see a clear view of scoring my final exams. I screwed up in many subjects so far. This thing absolutely bothers me. I keep on wondering why I didn't sacrifice my time earlier? But you know, it's all just too late. Entering the first class next year, making a comeback to prove everybody that I can make it seems impossible now. There's like an invisible word on my face that spells F-A-I-L-U-R-E.
You know why I want to enter the first class so badly? It's because the people there take a serious matter in studies. They care about their studies more than anything. But most importantly, all my friends are in that class while I'm stuck here alone in this second class. Every morning when we lined up for assembly, I will lined up next to their class and hearing them laugh for something that I know I couldn't relate with myself anymore, that's sad.
"Weh kau gelak apa doh?!"
"Ahha tak, cerita dalam kelas kitorang semalam. Kau tak tahu lah"
I used to be in that place. I used to make them laugh. I used to. I would love to make them laugh again. I would love to repeat all the memories that we've spent together but seeing my place was taken over by some new people, that hurts. They said I should move on, let it go.
But this is something that I can't let go.